Uniport  heat is no child’s play. It’s like Mars and Earth swapped position in the planetry system. Perhaps, the last person to enter hell left the door ajar according to Comedian Olababa Joke

Anyways here are few tips to survive the Uniport heat. Hoping you find it useful at the end of this update. 

  • Locate to a con-tree either in Arena or close to SenatebBuilding where the intensity of the sun would be less. Remember the sun rises from the east and sets in the west. All my brave brothers that survived Lion encounter with an indelible facial wound (tribal mark) that time can never heal should not attempt this trip. Make una no try una self o! 
  • Take advantage of the cooling power of water by sleeping in your bath tub filled with water. If you don’t have bath tub not to worry, utilize your water tank/drum/basin. No matter your degree of poverty you MUST be able to afford one.
  • Drink loads of water to prevent hydration and endeavour to shower frequently to regulate your body temperature. 
  • Remove your matress from its frame and place it on the floor because heat rises and the floor is kinda cooler. 
  • Place a damp cloth on your window for cool breeze. 
  • If available place a bowl of ice in front of standing fan opposite your bed. That is an improvised air conditioner 
  • Consume less food protein to prevent Metabolic process induced heat into the body
  • Become a nudist. Sleep naked on bare floor/tiles but not rug. The earth is a universal conductor it will conduct all your body heat away. This comes at a cost tho – free Kongo shining by your spiritual husband/wife lobatan!
  • Embrace Celibacy. Quit being an adrenalin junkie. You all know that “thing” you do that saps all your energy the moment you squirt. Making you look like when Kanu Nnwakwo just lost a crucial penalty at the elimination stage of the world cup. No cuddling, No smooching. Back off bro!! 
  • Sleep in the Classroom. The Classroom under this context strictly applies to student who have uninterrupted power supply. ​ #​NOT​those studying in Ofrima with no fan or PES halls . Sleeping in the classroom is a win-win situation for them. Apart from making them be the first in class. It also saves them cost of transportation. All you need do is wake up early to brush your teeth. Ensure nothing hinders your supply of roll-on, body spray and perfumery. That should make up for your bathing. Just take a seat afterwards and start reading for the next lecture. 
  • Make public buildings with functional generator and Air condition unit your second home. Spend more time in eateries, Samies, Genesis, and modern day cinema halls e.g Silverbird Galleria ,♠Spar Mall etc) 
  • Make net and lace your garment of choice. While you make fashion statement with armless and opened back styles. ​#​ NB​: not suitable for people with eczema,rashes and stretch marks(Fat girls in linguistics this is not for you all).
  • Bae with tacky corset are not left out too. 
  • Wear wet bandanna always especially around your head. It may look odd on you but nevertheless endure. Fashion is pain. 
  • Apply  to join a vigilante group ( Sherriff ). This affords you the opportunity to sleep outside without harassment. In addition, you may fortify yourself with OPC membership too. Remember the more the better.

Feel free to do any of these to make you escape the heat…

Extract from Ahmed Tijani and Re-Edites to suit the school Environment

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